Man: The bachelor of your favourite reality show just eliminated Jenni with an “i” from the competition. You’ve got goosebumps. Watching the perfect woman have her pride torn to pieces on national television is pure satisfaction. Now she must regret spending more money on her lip injections than her rent. Poor princess, experiencing rejection for the second time in her life #daddyissues. Look at her make-up, melting like ice-cream on a hot summer day. Beautiful. Beautiful enough to be your home phone screen. It’s OK to cry sweetheart, after this little ride you’re back on the subway. Oh, and next week, another perfect girl will get crushed. Probably Kelly. Please make it Kelly.

VO: If you’re thirsty for bitterness, may we suggest a Farnham Ale & Lager instead? Farnham. The good bitterness.

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